Letters
April 2006

The Tribulations and Joys of Parenting

The Montgomery Blair listserv was buzzing recently over a March 21 Washington Post article critical of “helicopter parents” who micromanage their children’s lives to the point of stunting their independence. One of the Blair parent’s response seemed particular thoughtful, which we offer to all once and future parents:

I have made sure, to the best of my ability, that my 4 kids wear helmets, use seatbelts, don’t ride with teen drivers, and call me on their cell phone every time they move from one location to another. And yet, somehow they have managed to be nice to each other, learn how to open a can or assemble Kraft mac and cheese (and know that they need those baby carrots and celery sticks to round out the meal!) go to bed when they are tired (well, mostly), use public transportation, and come to their parents when they are confused, upset or triumphant. My big worry is the academic thing, actually, because as my senior gets ready to go to college I am realizing that I have failed to teach him to follow a schedule, keep to deadlines, complete assignments he finds boring, or organize his backpack. He knows how to manage his social life and his relationships, but he can’t manage to find two matching socks. I am worried he will forget to go to class, not know when the test is, blow off the drudgework , and spend all his time starting an Aikido club and bury himself in the opulent library perusing things that are not in the assignment! And his roommate might kick him out for being a slob.

I worry that perhaps my kids are not programmed enough, have not learned to be on time and to follow a routine. The honest truth is that I am jealous of the parents this article is talking about, and wish I could do what they do for their kids. But either way, in the end, I really do believe that if you love your kids enough AND (this is an important AND) you make sure that they know it without any doubt and with no strings attached, they will find their way and be reasonably happy. And they can always use the ubiquitous cell phone to call home for help.

— A Blair Parent

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