Queries for Carrie

	Green gripes March 2006

Query: My husband is a wonderful man, a great father and a terrific helpmate throughout the year, with one tiny exception. On Saint Patrick's Day, he wears the green, drinks the green, kisses the blarney stone and then anyone he can lay his hands on, and acts like a total idiot in general. Is there something I can do or say to bring him to reason?

--Doubting on Dublin

Carrie: If he's all that you say for 364 days of the year, then maybe you should leave him to blow off steam during his annual foray into sub-rational behavior. Every culture has a wide set of taboos and limitations for its members, and every culture equally provides a safe time for everyone to break all those rules without having to pay some dire forfeit. Let him have vine leaves in his hair as he rages on the mountainside--or down at the green beer serving pub nearest to his heart. Your tolerance can make it easier for him to toe the line and continue being the stand-up, constant companion he is.

In fact, you may even wish to possess yourself of a sitter for the kids and join him in his revels. It would demonstrate good faith and gracious sportsmanship in the annals of your ongoing development as a couple. However silly you might feel, a couple of beers and lots of random tall-tales could soon put you at ease and let him bask in your continued support.

Query: I have allergies that go nuts when the trees start putting out pollen. I moderate my condition by eliminating wheat and dairy from my diet at the beginning of every February. That way, I can take lower--and fewer--doses of the drugs I need to clear my head. But my household complains and fusses at the change in the food each winter. I don't have the time to be cooking lots of different meals to satisfy every preference. Short of running away to become a hermit, what can I do?

--Overwhelmed on Oak

Carrie: You have all year to get every member of your household who has an active opinion on the topic of what's-for-dinner to learn some basic menus that will pass for a meal. They have all year to learn where you keep equipment, and where the grocery store is. It is their turn to pitch-in and prepare food that meets their nutritional needs and satisfies their palates. When it's your turn to cook, prepare what works for you, and allow them the same latitude. You may end up with chips and hummus again, but you won't have had to cook for the others and then sat down to your default entrée.

Taking up more responsibility in the kitchen might also serve as a springboard for your family members to take on more of the cleaning and other chores around the household that they have assumed were your private domain. Share the wealth of tasks and activities with everyone both to enhance their sense of participation in the family and to reduce your own share of the burden. You may find that lowering your stress levels through reduced housework alleviates your allergies even further.

Query: We want to rent an English basement apartment from a friend of ours. He's a great guy, and the apartment is top-of-the-line, brand spanking new. But he wants a whole lot of money for the space. More than we're paying for a half-double house right now. Should we just keep looking, or is there a way to negotiate the rent down enough that we can justify moving back to TP?

--Agitated in Exile

Carrie: It's a little tricky to talk money with most people, and not less so when they're your friends and would-be landlords. But you do want to move back, and that may motivate you to get enough information together that you can justify having an awkward little talk with your apartment-owning buddy.

Find out what comparable places go for in your target zip code, and the immediate environs. Call a realtor, hop online, and check out the for-rent section of the daily paper. Soon, you'll know exactly what the market really thinks about that English basement. Bring your understanding to the table when you talk with your friend. Bring a willingness to take on a partial rent trade. Maybe you garden, or you might be a good cook, or around during the day to take packages. If you're not certain of his possible needs, then ask him what he'd like to have done around the property. If you don't have plumbing skills yet (or electrical or auto-mechanical), there're often continuing ed courses for intrepid learners. Don't be afraid to take up new hobbies to make your dream come true.